Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
