there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
