Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
