we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we're so committed to being not committed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
