Plan B is the new Plan A
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
