she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
