why didn't you poke me back
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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