i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
