i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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