Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
