I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
