Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
