On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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