things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
