Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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