It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
