It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
