Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
