New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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