You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
