Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
