Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
