mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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