you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
