So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
