I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
