i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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