My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
