my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
