Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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