its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
