Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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