Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
