He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
