Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
