Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
