i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
