if you like me you must not know who I am
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
