you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
