so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
