i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
