Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
