When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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