got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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