this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
