My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
