i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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