Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
