the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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