We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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