everyone is single if you try hard enough
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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