this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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