there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The adults are the big ones right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
