i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
