I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
