'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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