So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
