omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
